Matthew Maple

They're Dudes, Not Czars

2009-09-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

So what is the deal with all of these Czars in Washington? I thought Czars went the way of the dodo in a basement with Nicolas II and his family. You remember, Russian Revolution, Bolsheviks, Lenin... Well, I never learned it in school either, but that's what Wikipedia is for.

I know, I know, Nixon had an energy Czar, G.W. Bush had a bunch of Czars, and Obama has pushed past 30 Czars. I'm trying to be political without being partisan. Regardless, my amateur opinion says the whole Czar thing is out of control.

What bothers me so much? It's not the lack of transparency, background checks or vetting, or the unstipulated salaries or job description. It's simply the name. Czar. It gives me the willys.

Look every high-ranking official or powerful position has some degree of advisors. Usually they are called Secretaries, or collectively a Cabinet or Board, or Executive Vice Presidents, or Assistant Producers, or believe it or not Advisors. I would whole-heartedly accept the title of "Dude" over Czar. Cybersecurity Dude sounds way better the Cybersecurity Czar.

The worst thing is Czar isn't even an offical title. The War Czar is really called the Assistant to the President and Deputy National Security Advisor for Iraq and Afghanistan. Czar is an informal term, which makes Dude that much more of a reality.

Even etymology morons know that Czar (or Tsar) is the Slavic version of Caesar. You learned about the Roman Empire in school right? Germans turned it into Kaiser. Depending on what government it what used in, Czar meant everything from King to Emperor. Which would make Czar a title of nobility, and therefore illegal according to Article 1, Section 9 of the U.S. Constitution: "No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States." I can call them a Czar, but the Federal Government (or the States, see Section 10) can not.

So let's just call them Dudes. There are no more real Czars. After all, Rome collapsed, Tsarist Russia was overthrown by a Socialist Revolution, and the German Monarchy is defunct. Let's keep it that way. Caesar is for salads, Kaiser is for rolls, and Czars will heretofore be referred to as Dudes.

update

2009-07-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

Just want to apologize to my 2 loyal readers for not blogging more often. I have plenty of ideas in my head, but like usual I'm being pulled in too many directions to write anything worthy of posting. I have wrote the preface to a book that Ralph pretty much dared me to write. Although, I think that things like prefaces are best when written after the book itself has been penned. Seems like it might have more insight that way. Oh well, it's a good first draft.

I have many thoughts on universal health care. Seriously, I'm a health care professional with plenty of opinions and insight. But I'll save that for another day when I feel like pulling out the soapbox. Especially since I can't do anything about making/changing policy so I will basically just be complaining and whining about it.

In the meantime work on the backyard pump track has finally started. I don't have any pics to post yet, but my Dad does have another crash video of Matt that I'd love to put up here. I will, however, post this video. It's been one of my inspirations as I dreamed of turning the backyard into a sea of dirt mounds...

There are a ton more on YouTube, but I love the message at the end and the music makes me think of Adam Sandler. So if you're looking for me, and I'm not working, chances are I'm in the back digging.

I Learned It From Watching You...

2009-05-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

The other day Grant was recounting his Sunday School experience to me. We sang this song, played this game, made this craft, etc. Then he told me something I'll never forget. A teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. At first he was undecided between a fireman or a policeman. Who could blame him? Every 4 year old wants to be a civil servant. I didn't get over such aspirations until I was 24. After thinking about his career conundrum, Grant said that he rather be a daddy so he could be like me.

As a man it's easy to qualify my self-worth in direct proportion to my net-worth, earning potential, degrees, and career path. Likewise it's easy to trample myself for lacking in any of those areas.

As a father, I'm called to a greater purpose that transcends selfish goals and aspirations. The legacy I build through my children will trump anything I could ever accomplish at work.

I don't remember being 4 years old and I'm not sure if Grant will either. I grew up the son of a machinist and my Dad was the strongest, smartest, fastest guy in the world. I knew that he loved me and would do anything for me. That was sufficient for me. Any awareness I had of socioeconomic status was shelved by my father's love and the security I felt in it. I'm sure that at times through the drone of milling machines and the haze of cutting oil he lamented missed opportunities and pined for something better. It's a natural male reaction, but there are more important things. He realized it. He couldn't be the father he is without that knowledge.

Judging by Grant's Sunday School summation, I've stumbled on the same revelation. Although, I'm still working on it. I still weigh myself on the balance of my accomplishments vs. my potential. Slowly I'm letting things go and focusing on making my family my greatest accomplishment.

Brakes Can Be Bad...

2009-04-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

In racing there is a mantra that goes: Slower is faster. I think this still applies here except slower will sometimes have you on your face faster. Thanks Matt for reminding us why the rest of us didn't want to ride off of a 5-foot ledge. You get bonus points for splattering yourself on someone else's bike. Sorry for the poor resolution, I shot this on my phone. Next time I'll be in a better position to capture all of the action. The best part is, I know there will be a next time...

Landing on your face (Matt) or splitting your elbow open (Ralph) isn't exactly fun. But with enough people and bikes you can have a lot of fun doing it.

I'm off this Friday and next Tuesday if anyone is interested...

When There Is No Lesser Evil

2009-04-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

I hate the Yankees, but not as much as I hate the Red Sox. This might explain why it was so hard to watch them play today. It was an awesome game, the kind of game you wish you watched every time you watch baseball. If two other teams were playing I might not have given in to the afternoon nap. Deep down inside I wanted them both to lose. I wished Bud Selig would lean over the rail of his box seat and declare the game over. No winners, only losers, and no asterisks. I'm not bitter just because I'm an Angel's fan. Well, maybe a little bit. Sure, I'm sick of being owned by Boston every October and the Yankees using dollar signs to pull away future hall of fame talent.

What really bugs me about New York and Boston is their fans. Or at least the fans in Orange County that go to Angel Stadium. I've met Red Sox fans that hadn't seen Boston until Netflix sent them The Departed and Fever Pitch. When Edison lost the naming sponsor to Angel Stadium they should have renamed it Fenway West. At least the Yankee fans wear blue so you can sort them out from a distance. If you want to be a Yankee fan that's fine. My Grandfather was from Yonkers. I can understand the loose connections that make people cheer for teams on the other coast. But just because you're a Yankee fan doesn't mean you need to be an a-hole. This is Orange County. We're supposed to be stuck up, not belligerent.

Look, I've been an Angel fan since I was 6. I remember the orange seats, the football press box, and when the Budweiser Patio was called WallyWorld. So I have tons of credibility to think that I'm better than any other fan that walks into Angel Stadium. Plus, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

Please Sir, May I Have Another E-Mail Address?

2009-04-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I created another gmail account. After all, everyone needs 4 gmail accounts, right? I've got one for my fictious business, one for my fictious name, one for school, and now one with a future professional certification. Then there's the corporate e-mail I have from work, the free e-mail addresses that came with my domain, an AOL mail account I set up for an online class but never used, a couple defunct yahoo accounts that are the result of a failed eBay enterprise, and the hotmail account I've had for over 10 years.

I've tried to cut the hotmail account loose many times but I just can't pull the trigger. I've had it for so long, I feel completely vested. For example, my screen name is [my real name]009@hotmail.com. Why 009? Well, 009 was my pager code back in the day. Waaay back in the day. If your under the age of 25 you have no idea what I'm talking about. In the 90's, if you wanted to get a hold of someone you had to page them (with numbers only).

Kids today think they are so cool with their LOL's and OMG's. I used to say hello with a 0, two 7's, a 3, and a 4.

When paging, I'd leave a call back number and my pager code so the person would know that it was me.

Back then only drug dealers, doctors, and Zack Morris had cell phones, and pay phones were everywhere.

So, if I needed to get a hold of my mom to pick me up, I'd page her: 8675309 009. If she didn't recognize Jenny's number at least she would know that I was the one paging her. It's hilarious that my pager code made it's way onto an e-mail address that I still have today.

I'm beginning to think that I have a problem with all these e-mail addresses. This might explain why I don't feel the need to have a MySpace or Facebook profile. I have so many online personalities that I can socially network with myself. Please tell me I'm not the only one...

To Whom It May Concern,

2009-03-28T19:36:00.001-07:00

Thanks.

I wonder how I ended up with Budweiser bottle shrapnel on my dash...

Maybe it has to do with this new hole in my window

Not sure what caused this dent...

So, seriously thanks a bunch

People like you make me want to lower my deductable...

Snuggie - 1, My Son - 0

2009-02-23T15:10:00.000-08:00

Advertisers are evil, and they are hijacking the brains of our children. Seriously.

A few nights ago it was cold and the family was in the living room watching a stage of the Tour of California. My now 4 year old son grabbed one of the fleece blankets we have by the couch, jumped on the chair, covered himself in the blanket, and started this unique conversation...

“Guys, do we have the Snuggie?” As Grant tucks himself under the fleece blanket.

“What?” Surely he doesn't mean that stupid infomercial blanket.

“You know. The blanket with sleeves in it. So you can sit down and not have your arms stuck under your blanket. Like this” He demonstrates how his hands are under the blanket and unable hold a book, cup, or perform other menial activities.

“No, we don't have the Snuggie.” He does mean the stupid infomercial blanket. Why does my 4 year old want a $20 blanket with sleeves?

“Why not?” - every child's favorite answer.

Andrea goes on to tell me that he also wants the Mighty Mendit so we can fix things, and the Twin Draft Guard so our “dollars won't fly out the door”. At this point I'm furious, and wouldn't mind 5 minutes in a locked room with Billy Mays, the ShamWow dude, and every other infomercial yahoo. I'm not upset that he knows about these products. After all, these commercials are very memorable on behalf of their kooky personalities, fake demonstrations with small disclaimers, and overall lameness. I'm upset that my preschool age child thinks he needs a special blanket to sit on a chair and that my dual paned, energy star front door needs a pool noodle in a pillowcase to stop drafts.

So instead of staying mad, I decided to get inventive. Grant has a new helmet that he has to wear anytime he watches TV. I'm trying to block the evil advertiser's subliminal messages. Hopefully the helmet will work after the digital TV conversion (if it ever happens). In case the helmet loses its efficacy, I have a digital prototype in the works. I'll keep you posted...

I Heart Glenn Beck.

2009-02-08T20:34:00.000-08:00

The older I get the more I feel less like a Republican or a Democrat and more like a Libertarian. I guess it's not bad when you consider that this country was started by a bunch of land owners and tradesmen that believed in personal liberties and didn't particularly enjoy paying taxes.

Watch the video. Regardless if you like MSNBC or CNN over Fox News, I guarantee that you will be challenged or convicted by the principles he brings up. If you agree, send him an e-mail. If not, things are already going your way...

What to do if you're blue...

2009-01-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

Are you anxious about the current state of affairs? Do things seem to be going totally wrong? Are you in a funk that you can't get out of? Have you been convinced that the world will end in 2012?

Here's what you do:

Go to In-n-Out and buy yourself a shake. I like mine Neapolitan (all 3 flavors swirled together) but the flavor is irrelevant.

Find a quiet place, enjoy your shake, and pray about everything that is bothering you.

When you finish your shake, read the scripture that you find on the bottom of the cup. You'll feel better. Now that's quality you can taste...

Video Cameras Are Fun

2009-01-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

So I know Adam posted this days ago, but I figure this video should be on my blog too. I think Jeff said it right when he mentioned that a video camera and a group of guys can make you feel sixteen again. Just in the goofy, tomfoolery, dorky kind of way. Like when you almost got kicked out of Wal-Mart for carrying around a four-foot fish pillow. Ok, so that's only me. Here's what happens when I get a day off, go mountain biking with friends, and decide to bring the family camcorder...

Suckitup-ism

2009-01-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

The death of capitalism is really starting to irk me, and tonight Glenn Beck really set me straight. As a selfish youth I never really cared if the rich got richer, the poor got poorer, and the middle class went one way or the other. Then I had kids. Now I want to vomit when I notice we are selling out the next generation of Americans to prevent large companies from failing.

Seriously, where do I sign up for such special privileges? If you mis-manage a business, can't turn a profit, or produce a desirable product you are supposed to fail. The "invisible hand" of the "free market" is not supposed to be swayed by government intervention. With a federal budget deficit now expressed in trillions (as in $1,000,000,000,000.00) where are we getting all this money for GM, AIG, and the others. Do we really have to rely on the same knuckleheads who can't balance a budget to get us out of this mess?

In a way, we asked for it. Lehman Bros. financed most of the country's railroads in the 1800's. On the verge of boarding up the windows, they asked for a bailout. The welfare check never came in the mail and they became the largest bankruptcy in American history. Everyone freaks out and starts selling everything. MSNBC has reporters on Wall St. waiting for it to rain stockbrokers. The markets plummet, Suze Orman starts saying I told you so, and Congress starts the bread lines for ailing companies as if they had no choice. Someone had to call the bluff, and AIG is glad it wasn't them.

Meanwhile, the NY Yankees spent enough money on 3 free agents in the off season to buy 25% of General Motors stock. Obviously things aren't that bad. We just have to see if there is any ROI come October...

Anyways, many have criticized the bailouts as a new deal of socialism. I tend to agree, but instead of walking a certain party's line, or drinking Joy Behar's Kool-Aid I decided to come up with my own kind of socialism. I call it Suckitup-ism. Because that's what we should do - suck it up. Of course we should all suck it up together and that's where the socialism is tied in. Let's all collectively be a little more self-reliant. I'd rather grow my own vegetables and walk to work than make my children pay because some CEO slept through his MBA classes.

Let's not look to Sacramento and Washington to bail us out. Sacramento is going to send out I.O.U.'s and Washington has so far only sent out hope. I already have plenty of politicians to "represent" me and make decisions on my behalf. Instead of waiting for them to come through let's all look within and to each other for help, encouragement, and hope. After all, the cell is the building block of the body and it's Americans that make America. I can't stop the tail from wagging the dog, but maybe Suckitup-ism will keep the dog from pulling its hair out.

Neap Tide or Spring Tide?

2009-01-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

"After all, you only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out."

Warren Buffet in his 2001 Chairman's Letter to the shareholder's of Berkshire Hathaway.

This quote was shared with me during this year's Christmas Eve dinner. Regrettably, the context of the Christmas Eve conversation was the economy. Buffett's quote was speaking, as best as I can discern, about the economy (particularly insurance) in a post- 9/11 world. His wit or wisdom, you decide, is just as applicable today.

The recent economic downturn has pulled the drain on everybody's bathtub. It doesn't matter if you own a house, the trickle-down of the Wall St. implosion is large enough to make anyone look down and check to see if they're wearing skivies.

I've enjoyed the quote only because I've been swimming naked since my sister co-signed a credit card for me at 18. But for everyone else's sake, I have plans to put on clothes very soon. I just hope, again for everyone else's sake, that the outgoing tide is a neap tide not a spring tide. That could be embarrassing because I'm swimming with a sea of people. (I can't believe English teachers used to mark me down for mixing metaphors...)

Maybe next year we won't have to talk about it. That would be nice.

another failed resolution...

2008-12-30T21:17:00.000-08:00

So I made it my "goal" this year to read the Bible... the entire Bible. That's right, Genesis to Revelation. It seemed daunting, but with all the "One Year" this and that at the local Christian bookstore I figured it was do-able.

I only call it a goal because I've recently been convinced to not have New Year's resolutions. (more on that later) I've been a Christian of one flavor or another for about 14 years. During that time I've never dedicated myself to read the Bible (not even academically). I guess that shows the kind of Christian I'd been for the last 14 years, but that is a totally different blog... After finding myself caught up in God's Grace late in 2007, reading the entire Bible in 2008 seemed like a good place to start.

So how much did I read? I guess I got a good start. I read: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, 2 Kings, 1 Chronicles, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Romans.

When I get bummed that I didn't meet my goal, I resort to calculation. My study Bible has 1700-some pages, and I read about 800 pages of it. Not bad, I guess. Did I mention I work full-time, go to school, and have an awesome family that welcomed a new child this year. Just kidding. I don't need excuses but I thought I'd throw that in...

So there are under 26 hours left in the year and I've talked to God and conceeded the race. Even if I could read like the guy from the Micro Machine commercials there is no way I could knock out the remaining 900 pages. Besides, am I ever going to finish reading the Bible? I wasn't going to put my Bible up on the shelf next to Catch-22 and East of Eden shortly after I read Rev 22:21. It has a permanent spot on my nightstand, my heart, and my life.

Next year I will continue to read the Bible. Now that I realize I will never finish it, I don't feel the pressure to get to the back of the book. Although the way things are going maybe I should read the back of the book first, but that's another blog... New Year's Resolutions are dumb. Take it from me. They are too often a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. If you must focus on your shortcomings, then look at the man in the mirror and be the change you want in the world. Because, if nothing else, it's funny to take advice from Michael Jackson and Gandhi in the same sentence.

Happy New Year

A Survey??? Booooo!

2008-12-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

I hate things of the chain-letter genre. E-mail attachments, surveys, sticker clubs, pyramid schemes, and the like. Actually, I think I like beach balls at baseball games more than chain-letter type stuff. I abhor beach balls at baseball games (some of us go there to watch the game not smack around a ball you snuck in the stadium in your pants).

That being said, my wife "tagged" me to write this survey. Whatever that means. I'll admit that said "tagging" was the final motivation to start this blog and my site. So as much as it bugs me, I will participate in this survey (albeit grudgingly) to show my undying love and affection for my amazing wife.

And here we go:

Where is your cell phone? Good question... On the counter I think.
Your significant other? My wife. I'd crash the server if I wrote everything about her. Let's settle with awesome, amazing, wonderful, perfect, and hot.
Your hair? Bedhead at 8:40 pm. I love days off.
Your mother? The coolest barista I know. I owe her a lot.
Your father? The ambassador. "If you had shoes on, it wouldn't have happened." "You're on your honor." I owe him a lot too.
Your favorite thing(s)? Being loved by my wife, greeted at the door by my son with hugs, making my daughter smile, and playing with my hair.
Your dream last night? I don't remember it now, but it was funky. Funky wierd, not funky cool.
Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper
Your dream/goal? It used to be unattainable. I renegotiated with myself and now I live it everyday.
The room you're in? Living room
Your fear? Not seeing my children as adults.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Doesn't matter. See #9
Where were you last night? Bed
What you're not? Able to come up with an answer to this question.
Muffins/donuts? Spice muffins from Mimi's Cafe
One of your wish list items? A DSLR camera for my wife so I can use it.
Where you grew up? 10 blocks away from my current home.
The last thing you did? Answered question 17
What are you wearing? Jeans, hooded sweatshirt, t-shirt, underwear, socks, wedding ring.
Your TV? Sony 46" LCD - a living testament of credit card debt
Your pet? Murphy (RIP) until we get a new one.
Your computer? Dell laptop running Ubuntu (Linux) but I love to moonlight on the wife's MacBook Pro
Your life? More than I deserve
Your mood? Mellow
Missing someone? Not until I just thought about them.
Favorite pastime? Too many to list. I'm easily distracted.
Something you're not wearing? My watch. Don't leave home without it.
Favorite store? Too many to list. See #26.
Your summer? Really hot. Was hard to convince people that global warming was a William Randolph Hearst-esque media hoax.
Your favorite color? Blue
When is the last time you laughed? Today, I think. If not, yesterday.
Last time you cried? Recently I'm sure. I just don't know when.
Who will re-post this? Definitely not John and George.
Four places I go over and over? Home, Church, Work, School
Four people who e-mail me? angelsbaseball.com, apple, cabela's, disneyland
Four of my favorite foods? sushi, enchiladas, steak, Chick-fil-a Polynesian Sauce
Four places I would like to be right now? Heaven, Hawaii, my Grandmother's childhood farm in England, anywhere my family is.
Four people I tag to repost this- John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Too bad John and George are unavailable, and I bet Paul and Ringo are too busy to post this...

That was exhausting... Oh well, I love you babe!

In the beginning...

2008-12-20T19:41:00.000-08:00

After thinking about it for way too long, I decided to start blogging in the blogosphere. Who could blame me? Where else could you be part of the revolution that has added more words to the dictionary than George W. Bush? Case in point: blogosphere and blog for that matter. Apparently "web log" was way too long to type on someone's Blackberry. Abbreviations bug the crap out of me. I do not want to live my life as one giant instant messaging conversation. We are not that busy, and if you are... learn how to type faster.

I figure in this day and age of globalization, world-wide media, and instant information that's as far away as your iPhone, my opinion should be counted with the masses. Everyone has an opinion. They're like belly buttons you know... I wanted a soap box, and now I have one.

It's just too bad that no one is listening. But, who cares... As much as I would love my own wikipedia article that is not why I'm here. Maybe I'll figure it out later, but for now I'm just enjoying writing again. I really missed overusing transitions and underusing commas.

Stay tuned...